Mr. Sandman, over here
Aug. 14th, 2019 11:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
miladygreyI have just...not been sleeping very well, the last week or so. This is due to multiple factors. One is that Yeats stays up later than I do during the summer, and so most nights, he comes in about an hour after I've gone to bed, and no matter how quiet he is, I always wake up at least halfway. Another is that Hector has been super restless (maybe he senses he's going to the vet tomorrow for follow-up bloodwork?), and has taken to sleeping on my pillow, wrapped around my head. Which is just adorable, but it's also hot, and he chews on my hair, and he purrs so loudly that it's like sleeping beside a small outboard motor. And another is because my anxiety is through the roof due to PMS and, y'know, the world in general, and my brain just hamster-wheels. I've been taking Pure Zzzzs (melatonin/lavender/chamomile) on the worst nights, which 100% helps and does not have the hangover aftereffect of regular Zzzquil, but not even melatonin can defeat waking up to loud purrs and a paw splayed lovingly across my mouth.
And the anxiety is spiking to ridiculous levels. We had a clusterf*** yesterday--a client turned in nine thousand documents at the last minute, I was rushing to upload everything , and Aveline read me the frustrated riot act when it looked like half the stuff had been deleted and the other half inadvertently shared via the cloud with opposing counsel. My brain took a huge jump directly to "you are a miserable failure and don't deserve to work here or eat food or have friends and you should punish yourself", and I spent a couple of hours doing what cleanup I could while that played on a mental loop. It turned out that most of the clusterf*** was our client's fault; they helpfully tried to upload things on their own and did the mistaken deleting, and Aveline was able to recover what we needed and apologized to me. But it looks like I'm going to have another talk with whatever NP/ob-gyn gets me for my annual checkup in a few weeks. I have gone from "mild PMS once per month" to "three to five days of panic, depression, and urges to self-harm once per month", and this is Very Not Good. And that was stacked on top of Yeats unexpectedly spending the day at the mechanic while he got a new car battery, plus some other RL stuff...no wonder my brain won't shut off or shut up.
Today is better! We will play Adventures in Middle Earth tonight, with the whole gang, probably even in person so Yeats can break out the minis and battlemaps. Dover Comic-Con is still this weekend, and we had fun (despite sunburn) and sold a lot of books last year, so we're hoping for the same again this year, minus sunburn. M and Sugar's little boy is a trooper, and his first surgery went well. I am here, my head is above water.
Reading Log: Nomad by R.J. Anderson; Going Deep by Anne Calhoun; Flight of Magpies by KJ Charles; A Different Light by Elizabeth A. Lynn; Heroine by Mindy McGinnis; Wild Things by Chloe Neill; Dissolution by C.J. Sansom; A Bad Deal for the Whole Galaxy by Alex White
And the anxiety is spiking to ridiculous levels. We had a clusterf*** yesterday--a client turned in nine thousand documents at the last minute, I was rushing to upload everything , and Aveline read me the frustrated riot act when it looked like half the stuff had been deleted and the other half inadvertently shared via the cloud with opposing counsel. My brain took a huge jump directly to "you are a miserable failure and don't deserve to work here or eat food or have friends and you should punish yourself", and I spent a couple of hours doing what cleanup I could while that played on a mental loop. It turned out that most of the clusterf*** was our client's fault; they helpfully tried to upload things on their own and did the mistaken deleting, and Aveline was able to recover what we needed and apologized to me. But it looks like I'm going to have another talk with whatever NP/ob-gyn gets me for my annual checkup in a few weeks. I have gone from "mild PMS once per month" to "three to five days of panic, depression, and urges to self-harm once per month", and this is Very Not Good. And that was stacked on top of Yeats unexpectedly spending the day at the mechanic while he got a new car battery, plus some other RL stuff...no wonder my brain won't shut off or shut up.
Today is better! We will play Adventures in Middle Earth tonight, with the whole gang, probably even in person so Yeats can break out the minis and battlemaps. Dover Comic-Con is still this weekend, and we had fun (despite sunburn) and sold a lot of books last year, so we're hoping for the same again this year, minus sunburn. M and Sugar's little boy is a trooper, and his first surgery went well. I am here, my head is above water.
Reading Log: Nomad by R.J. Anderson; Going Deep by Anne Calhoun; Flight of Magpies by KJ Charles; A Different Light by Elizabeth A. Lynn; Heroine by Mindy McGinnis; Wild Things by Chloe Neill; Dissolution by C.J. Sansom; A Bad Deal for the Whole Galaxy by Alex White
